the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
