if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
