So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
