There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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