Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
