we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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