he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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