the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I deserve this hangover.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
