Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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