I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Drunk is a universal language darling
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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