the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
