so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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