Nicole vs. Life
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
