I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
