Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
