Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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