college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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