I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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