I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
