he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
