Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
