I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
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The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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