i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
