garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Someone came in the potted fern
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
