let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
