a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
