I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
