The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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