Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
