he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
