I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
