Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
