I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
