bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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