genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
