It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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