Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
