I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
