I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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