in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
