I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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