my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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