She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I will pee on everything he values.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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