just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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