i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he was CRYING into my vagina
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
