Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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