The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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