Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need water and some morals
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize