THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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