i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
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I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize