so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
