You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
