why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
