Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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