I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
