Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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