I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
