It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
why do cheetos always look like penises
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
