break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
