she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
