I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
