Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
