He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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