Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
