this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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